I'm Not Okay and I'm Not Okay to Admit It

Once upon a typical Tuesday, in the land of "Everything's Fine" and "Just Keeping Busy", I made a startling discovery. The phrase "I’m okay" had become my automated response, almost as natural as blinking or breathing. 

No matter what storm was brewing inside me, "I’m okay" would roll off my tongue like a catchy song chorus. But here's the twist in our tale: I wasn't okay, and I had no idea how to truly admit it.

You see, in our hashtag-blessed world, saying "I’m not okay" feels like admitting you've forgotten the lyrics to the world’s favorite song. Everyone’s humming along, and you're standing there, lost in the silence of your own thoughts. It's like wearing mismatched socks in a world where everyone seems to have their outfit on point (and Instagram-ready).

I often imagined conversations in my head, starring me and a hypothetical well-intentioned friend:

Friend: "How are you?"
Me: "Not great, actually."
Friend: "Oh! Why, what happened?"

And there's the catch. Sometimes, there isn't a "what happened". Sometimes, you're just floating in a murky pool of not-okayness without a specific reason. And trying to explain that? It's like trying to teach a cat to swim. Theoretically possible, but a pretty big challenge.

But as time waltzed on, a revelation dawned upon me: It's okay to not be okay, even if you don’t have a neatly packaged reason wrapped with a tidy bow. Emotions aren't math problems, after all. They don't always have a clear solution or a logical progression. Sometimes they're just messy doodles on the page of life.

In a world obsessed with the highlight reels, admitting you’re having a behind-the-scenes breakdown feels counter-cultural. But here’s the quirky thing: every time I hesitated to admit I wasn't okay, I was denying myself the chance to truly be seen. And let’s be honest, everyone wants to be seen, even if it's not in their picture-perfect state.

So here's my new mantra: "I’m not okay, and that’s okay." I’ve started viewing it as a rebellious act of authenticity in a world of filtered facades. It’s a reminder that it's okay to be a work-in-progress, a rough draft, or even just a jumbled mix of feelings.

To anyone who's ever felt the weight of "I'm not okay" on their lips but swallowed it down with a forced smile: I see you. And I'm here to say that your "not okay" moments don’t define you, but they do make your journey real. And real journeys? They have bumps, detours, and sometimes flat tires.

But remember, even flat tires can be fixed, and detours can lead to unexpected wonders. So, let's embrace the not-okayness together. After all, it's the imperfect notes that often make the most beautiful melodies.